How many times have you begun a task, a project, a phone call, or simply to read something you want to read … and suddenly find yourself unable to engage?
Procrastination and self-sabotage are often a catch-all phrase for this type of experience, however, giving it a blanket name doesn’t solve the root of what is causing this reaction.
The default belief when we experience blocks like this is to gaslight ourselves into thinking we are weak, lazy, apathetic, or inept. In my Life Coaching, I find that these behaviors are often a result of hidden traumas that we don’t understand or even know how to begin understanding.
I’ve written several blog posts on the subject of self-sabotage which you can read by visiting my life coaching website, Completed People. The temptation of many people who are entrepreneurial in nature is to tell themselves to “suck it up” and “just do it!”
In some cases, this is an answer. But in many other cases, there is something much more sinister at work than just having writer’s block.
The first step necessary to correct this behavior is that it first has to be NOTICED. Not judged, but noticed.
First, look at what the task is that is being avoided. Is it a video that you wanted to watch? A helpful book? As an entrepreneur, you already are known for your courage. Being in business is not for the faint of heart. So, why would you feel blocked when accessing important information which will help you?
NOTICE THE TRIGGER
When was the ball dropped, or the task avoided? Was it as you first engaged, or was it in the middle when something was said that you resisted?
Is the topic about mental, emotional, physical, or business? Identifying the role of the topic that is being avoided will pinpoint a potential pain point. What is your emotion? Dread? Fear? Confusion?
Without identifying the underlying emotion that is often felt fleetingly – this emotional trigger will remain. The next step is to EXPLORE these feelings further.
EXPLORE YOUR FEELINGS & THOUGHTS
Explore Your Feelings
Take time to sit quietly and reflect on what you noticed. Ask yourself questions like:
- What specifically about this task makes me feel uncomfortable?
- Am I fearing judgment or failure?
- Is there a past experience tied to this that I haven’t addressed?
Writing down your thoughts can help clarify your feelings. It’s essential to give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up without harsh self-criticism.
Explore Your Thoughts
Pay attention to repetitive thoughts and ruminations.
- Are you telling yourself that you’ll fail or ruin everything?
- Are your thoughts repetitive messages that you’ve heard in the past from those who did not have your success in mind?
- Are your thoughts more focused on getting even, proving yourself, blaming others, or based in shame? (This is all hidden trauma)
Paying attention to your thoughts and the message they convey will help you to understand the emotions behind them. It’s essential to reframe those negative thoughts with gratitude and wonder. Creativity thrives in gratitude. You get to choose a different outcome. One step at a time and one moment at a time. The future is changed one moment at a time. The past cannot be changed, but it can be left in the past. Glean the lessons and give thanks for the lessons that have been presented, which you get to embrace and learn from.
Identify Patterns
Once you’ve explored your feelings, look for patterns in your behavior. Do you tend to avoid certain types of tasks more than others? Do certain environments or people contribute to your feelings of resistance? Identifying these patterns can help you create strategies to overcome them.
Take Small Steps
Instead of overwhelming yourself with the entire task at hand, break it into smaller, manageable steps. Set specific, achievable goals for each step. For instance, if reading a book feels daunting, start with just one chapter or even a few pages. Celebrate these small victories; they can build momentum and reduce feelings of dread.
Seek Support
Sometimes, talking about your struggles with someone else can provide clarity and reassurance. Whether it’s a trusted friend, a mentor, or a professional coach, sharing your experience can be validating and may even offer new perspectives on how to move forward.
Noticing and addressing what holds us back is crucial for personal and professional growth. It requires patience and self-compassion. Remember, it’s not about pushing through at all costs; instead, it’s about understanding yourself better and finding ways to navigate those blocks effectively. By taking these steps, you’ll be better equipped to overcome obstacles and engage fully in the tasks that matter most to you.
